You can start dating while your divorce is proceeding, but because you can that does not mean you should. Dating can affect your finances if you spend community assets, increase conflict with your soon-to-be ex, and make settlement harder if your spouse feels hurt or provoked. Before you start dating, think carefully about the risks, keep your private life off social media, and talk with your attorney about how it could affect your case.
One of the most common divorce questions is “Can I start dating?”
The simple answer is yes. The better question is whether dating is a smart choice while you are in the middle of your divorce.
There is no rule that prevents you from going to dinner, meeting someone for coffee, or creating a dating profile. However, those decisions can create legal, financial, and emotional problems. Before you jump back into the dating pool, you should understand how your choices can affect your case.
Dating Can Affect Your Finances
Even if your dating life is personal, your spending may not be viewed that way during divorce. If you use marital funds for a new relationship, those expenses may be reviewed during property division.
This can include:
- Paying for dinners, drinks, or entertainment
- Buying gifts for a new partner
- Paying for trips or weekends away
- Spending money in ways that do not benefit your family
If the money came from community property, it can be counted against your share of the estate. In other words, your spouse may argue that you used marital money for your own benefit, and that amount should be considered when dividing assets.
You may decide that dating is worth that risk, but you should make that decision with a full understanding of the possible consequences.
Dating Will Increase the Conflict with Your Soon-to-be Ex-Spouse
The emotional impact of dating can be just as serious as the financial impact. Divorce is already difficult. If your spouse sees that you are already dating, it can feel disrespectful, which can increase anger, hurt, and resentment. When the emotions rise, settlement becomes harder.
A spouse who feels embarrassed or betrayed may be less willing to compromise. That can lead to more disputes, longer timelines, and higher attorney fees.
Even though dating is technically allowed, it can make your divorce more expensive and more stressful.
Be Careful with Social Media
If you date during your divorce, do not post anything about it on social media. Photos, check-ins, captions, and comments are all fuel for conflict. Your spouse may be looking for proof that your new relationship caused the divorce or that you are spending marital money irresponsibly.
Even innocent posts can be misunderstood. A dinner photo, a weekend trip, or a picture with someone new can create suspicion and push your spouse further away from settlement.
During your divorce, you should assume anything you post may be seen, saved, and used against you.
Do Not Let Dating Distract from the Divorce
Dating can also shift attention away from the real work that needs to be done to finalize your divorce.
Your divorce requires decisions about property, support, parenting plans, and your long-term future. If your spouse becomes focused on investigating your dating life, the process will slow down. Time that could have been spent solving problems is instead spent arguing about your personal life.
This is one of the biggest ways dating can prolong your case.
Ask If You Are Really Ready to Start Dating
There is also a personal question to consider: Are you actually ready to date in a healthy way?
If you are dating to prove you are still desirable, avoid loneliness, or distract yourself from pain, you may not be making the best choices. Divorce is a major life transition. You may need time to heal before you can enter a healthy relationship.
That does not mean you cannot have a social life. It means you should be honest with yourself about your reasons and your emotional readiness.
Practical Advice Before You Date
If you are thinking about dating during your divorce, keep these guidelines in mind:
- Understand that dating is allowed, but it can create risks
- Be careful about spending marital money
- Keep your dating life private
- Stay off social media
- Think honestly about your emotional readiness
- Talk to your attorney before making expensive decisions
Dating during divorce is a choice, not a crime. My role as an attorney is not to control your personal life. My role is to help you understand the legal, financial, and emotional consequences so you do not make an already difficult process harder.
FAQs
Can you legally date during your divorce?
Yes. In most cases, you can date while your divorce is pending. However, dating can still affect your finances, negotiations, and emotional conflict.
Can dating affect property division?
Yes. If you spend marital money on a new relationship, those expenses may be reviewed and possibly counted against your share of the marital estate.
Should you post about dating during divorce?
No. Social media posts will increase conflict, create suspicion, and potentially be used in your divorce case.
With thirty years of experience Robin Rubrecht Zegen will help you identify and prioritize your goals and she will explain the options available for achieving them. She guides her clients through the transition while helping them maintain their relationships and dignity.
She is a member of the State Bar of Texas Family Law Section; Dallas Bar Association Family Law Section; Collin County Bar Association Family Law Section; Frisco Bar Association, and Plano Bar Association. She is a Master of the Bench in the Curt B. Henderson American Inns of Court.